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April 4, 2008

Beyond expectations

I have heard people say love is eternal,just the sheer presence of feeling colour up your life.Even I was getting bored of the black and white frame.I wanted my life to be colorful, I wanted to be loved.Its been not so long that I have been searching for my source of this wonderful feeling. It all went futile until October 7th,when she came to me and said Hi.It was my first day at college,new friends ,new atmosphere and there was always a room for a novel relationship .Maybe I felt her special because she was the first among the lot to greet me.It was lust at first sight,I liked her moreover her attitude .She was very friendly and caring and in days, we became close friends.

Its an issue with almost guys that when a girl happens to be very close to them, most of the times, a misinterpretation is always in the air. I dont know how others take it,But I did want to believe that she loved me.I knew it was a mere reflection of my desire, but as always you are never ready to accept harder facts.I chose the thought that gave me what I was looking for,someone to care me,someone to love me.She was never into the midst of these thoughts.She was taking me as a good friend and I was acting that I was.I really was a good friend,but I needed much more affinity for which I had my own justifications,but I was always worried if my words would hurt her,if I would lose her company.Our so called friendship started to gain much more popularity among the people around us.They did doubt its transparency and thanks to my attitude, I was a friend to her and among others,I preferred to be heard as her sweet heart.Even she was getting intimidated with the gossips that finally she decided to break the ice.

Friday afternoons are all about getting into some "college business" with a long break of 2 hours as a catalyst.She came to me and told that she have had enough with the gossips going around, her words never convinced the people around her.She said,"even I have heard off late that you are having a feeling for me,I know you are not into this ,but I just cannot entertain such gossips;tel me how to be off this crap". I just told her to be calm and that everything would just settle down with time. Days passed and still the matter remained in the air,to be frank ,I really wanted it to be.Again she talked to me regarding this and it was a sterner voice now.I felt she was doubting my hand in the issue.She said,"I hope you are not having a hand in this things,but why dont you respond when our friends say that we are in love".I just kept mum.But as always,when I am concerned the unexpected always happens,I just picked up myself with all courage and said that I did have a feeling of her.Her reaction was never positive and I never expected it to be.She just rained me with words that was pelting hard on me.It was like I was a vilian of a bollywood movie and she was hero's mom.

She had broken "friendship" with me and it was hard for me to carry on.Our first year had passed and we are having a summer vacations.The horrible weather was far better than her absence.The college reopened after the exams and still there was no respite.She didnt even care to see that I was aching for her attention.

Its now nearly six months that I have talked to her and we were going to have our study vacation of the third sem exams.I couldnt take it more, as all my past attempts of talking to her through her friends had failed,I decided to put myself into the spotlight.I just stood on her way and asked her what was really going on with her.She said she just had no issues and just wanted to go.I told her,"Whats my sin ,I just opened my mind and told you frankly what was within me ,thats what you expect in every relationship and I was no different.You take it or not, I still do stand on what I said".I hoped to put an end to the dispute by saying sorry,but it was just a twist to the tail.I was making things worser,but I believed that better part of the story was yet to come.

It was fourth sem now and we had to interact among each other since we were department association members.It was all formal interaction and even I preferred the same.Time went on ,one more sem passed and now it was time for our class trip.We planned a 3 day trip and it was all fun.On the final day,we had camp fire and she just came to me with a smile.A smile after near about 2 years is worth more than a gem.We became friends again even though I always thought that she had a better script in mind.By the end of sixth sem ,most of us were placed and luckily both of us got placed in the same firm.We were getting closer and on the last day of march,she asked me,"What do you feel for me now",I said "I love you".She just smiled and went.I was starting to write my tale of love.

Now we knew we loved each other very much and it was now all about getting to know each other.I wanted her in my life and even she wished the same.Everything was fine,we were becoming inseparable and that did make more sense than that mere word.But again surprises always loved my company.She told that proposals were going on at her home.I came to know that she was of a different caste and that it would be hard to convince her parents about our relationship. May be it was my mistake that I didnt ask her caste,but even I never thought that could ever have been the issue.She gave a picture of an orthodox family and an Hilterish dad.Even my family was orthodox,It would be hard convincing them too.We had never thought about such practical issues before,love had made us blind.But now we had our eyes opened to a world of practicalities and too much realism that we couldnt take,there was no room for dreams and wishful thoughts.I had no guts to stand before her father coz,I was yet to settle down in life then how could I ever take up responsibility of taking her to my life. I was losing grounds,the flowery love tale was going to have a thorny end.Even she was feeling it now.Her words no longer had that passion that I was being served for almost an year now.But she was more hiding it rather than scraping it off from her heart.But she was not always successful in hiding her tears.

Next week she would be engaged to the software engineer from USA.I know I have lost her,but her love still remains warm in my heart.But I feel I should accept the fact that not all dreams come true.May be we are not born for each other.

The fan was rotating too fast for me too count its leaves.I just checked at my watch and it was almost 8.00 now.She came over with the tea.
"Heloooo are you not planning to wake up",she asked with a smile.
I was perplexed and she asked me the reason.
"No I was just thinking,had I not talked to your dad about our affair,what would have been the case",I asked with an anxiety of a small kid.
"Oh I wish!!, atleast I would have been saved",she laughed and me joined too."Well what made you think about it almost after nine months",she enquired.
"I think its that crap love story that I read last night in a blog,that just screwed up my brain,that idiot really spoiled my mood with that weird story".I replied scratching my head.She kept the tea on the table.I pulled back my blanket and this time she said,"Sunday doesnt mean that you sleep till noon,help me in the kitchen a bit". Well,I thought ,all love stories are tragedies. They end in death, departure...or marriage.
I replied with a smile,"I would surely help you,but first let me finish off my beautiful dream."
I am back to sleep to give a happy ending to what I expected could turn out into a tragedy,but as always surprises loved my company and the partnership still continues.


Shantharam Shenoy K said...

wah wah..brilliant liked the ending very much dude...the first part i could relate wid a lot of ppl including me...but thats not the thing...good work..nice masala and twist...its getting betr..i was imagining u sitting wid dis gal on d veranda on friday while reading this story..and dat means the story is definitely attractive and captivating..keep up d good work

Anonymous said...

nice..most of it made me remember my days..wonderful mix masala

suni said...

da frankly the base is not strong enough.. and i think, u tried for a Lal Jose touch... bt not up 2 ... what i hv expected from 'u'....