I Fear To Write

I fear to write
For, my pen is no longer the sword
that had the fire of justice in every word;
My words appear framed,
Something that cant be tamed.

I fear to speak
For, it no longer represents the masses' voice;
And I have no choice,
But to sit lame and dump.

I fear to paint
For, what comes out in canvas
is no longer a beautiful flower in the vase;
It could burn down a town
And so I remain, pinned  down.

I fear to dance
For, its no longer an art;
I would be banished as a concubine
The one who strips near the table where you dine and wine.

I fear to live

For, with every passing day, I feel more in pain;

I see myself tied up in chain;

But I can't die,

coz, Big Brother is watching

Big Brother is watching.

Dedicated to those who had to put off their spark of creativity out of fear 

Chotu

Drenched in November rains, this morning appeared much colder than it usually is, that walking out in the streets without a sweater was implausible, at least an over coat is inevitable. I was in no mood to move out of my bed. But my belly would never agree. As always, I again 'deliberately' missed my breakfast today. I always believed that on holidays, ten in the morning is too early to rise from bed, but unfortunately, after ten, you can't find breakfast in any nearby restaurants. So, even though the clock had just ticked twelve, I decided that an early lunch would solve my belly's outcry. At half past twelve, I walked out of my apartment with my black khakis and a grey t-shirt that has been demanding a clean up for past few days. But thanks to my deodorants and perfumes, I completely suppressed the ever longing hope of my fabric.

The Irony

Author:Sooraj T


Chapter 1

I was driving back from office. It was my last day at work. I had resigned my job. My mind was entangled in the happenings over the last few days.
“Was it only a few days?” I wondered.

“Why should a child be punished for his parent’s mistakes? Is that fair?” I thought to myself, or maybe I was asking the almighty.

I had promised Sheela to be back soon. I floored the accelerator. I looked at my watch. I should reach there in 20 min.

The foreseen concluded

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"George.. , its time for dinner", a soft voice called me from the back.

The foreseen part-6

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"Do you think we will sit here, listen to this bullshit and let you go?",The inspector asked.
"I have explained five times, I can explain again", I was almost in tears.

The foreseen part-5

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I didn't feel the psychiatrist completely believed me, but he did show patience to hear me. He told me to take it lightly and not to think about the dream the whole time. He wanted me to report to him everytime I had such a dream and if any related incident. Most importantly, he advised me not to panic if any incidents similar to my dream take place. He told me that I can't do anything about the happening and its better I don't try anything stupid. I nodded to whatever he said not because I believed whatever he told, but I hated to hear the word "freak" again. The same evening, I got home and decided to go to Trenton next morning to meet my cousins. I needed a change. I decided to go to sleep early, bid good night to my parents and sister and got to my bed. I felt relieved then coz I had no fever and that meant no dream business.

The foreseen part-4

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"George .. George", The nurse called me softly.
"How is the boy?",I felt I was out from a long sleep, but I certainly remember what had happened.
"Oh he is fine, he just had minor injuries, no fractures or internal injuries;So you can relax now",the nurse replied.
"Where is Jack",I enquired.

The foreseen part-3

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(unedited version)
"And what did you do?",Jack asked me.
"What could I do, it was really an awkward situation, I can't explain how I felt, the doctor was angry at me", I replied.
"What about the lift",Jack was eager to know.

The foreseen part-2

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"
"Whats your name buddy?", I heard an older voice outside the room.
"Steve Mack", this came from a gentleman who voiced young.
"Where are you taking me too",the old voice uttered.
"To the fifth floor sir",the reply was polite from the gentleman.
Now I can see both of them passing by, there was a old man seated on a wheel chair and he was pushed through by a stout handsome young man.
The old man in the wheel chair and Steve got into the lift, the lift doors close; above the door, on the wall, I can read the number in blue colour, it says "10".
"

The foreseen part-1

"
"Dad, I had a dream yesterday"
"What was it?"
"Hmmm, I don't exactly remember, but I am sure, it wasn't a good one"
"Leave it man, its just a dream, walk peacefully"
" Yeah its a dream, but.. hmmm"
"Now what???"

Stephen concluded

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Sundays have never moved off easy for Gracy. She would be busy at kitchen the whole day coz that is the day when she would put herself in preparing new and wonderful dishes for her children. This Sunday wasn't different too,It had been continuously raining for past two weeks and the terrace had been quite slippery, but George and Stephen loved to be at the terrace. Gracy was there with them, but she just left to kitchen for setting up the breakfast. Stephen had other plans rather than playing. He had decided to finish himself off that morning and this was the best opportunity. He moved to the edge of the terrace, he looked at George and said," Good bye brother".

Stephen part-4

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The winds from the west were getting severe, summer had gone past and now it was time for rains. As Gracy had promised, she gifted a cute little baby to Stephen and it was a boy. Stephen still remembers the day when a small thing wrapped in white was given to his dad by the nurse. The baby hadn't even opened its eyes. Stephen had touched its hands and looked at his father," His hands are so tiny, how can he ever manage to eat". David had just smiled at him.

Stephen part-3

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The unexpected always paralyses human thoughts and actions, only its tenure varies from person to person. Gracy was melting in front of a simple, but an unanswerable question, but she pulled herself up and replied, "No my dear, who told you these things, you are our very own son and how can you be an orphan then". She grabbed him closer to her and hugged him. She was probably in tears, and Stephen felt guilty for putting in such a question. She kissed him on forehead and asked him to lie down. She covered him with his blanket, switched off the lights and moved off. Stephen's doubt was cleared, he hoped not to entertain any such thoughts in future.

Stephen part-2

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A prejudiced mind's perspective happens to be half blinded, Stephen was concerned with knowing why his mom is interested in eating out his nerves all the time, he thought her love for him was degrading with every moment passing by, his immaturity pampered his thoughts well supported by his wildest imagination. He was busy finding reasons to prove that she never loved him, and to his rescue, he soon got the most powerful reason. One day while playing at his backyard, the ball bounced and went flying to the neighbour's yard, he silently, slipped into the neighbour's compound, took the ball and was about to get back, but the conevrsation in the house stopped him, his neighbour was talking about Stephen's family. He preferred hearing them and soon a shock wave screwed his nerves, he found himself sinking, he ran back to his home, he was no longer in the mood of playing.

Stephen part-1

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All aren't lucky when it comes to the state of being loved, but he was very lucky, probably the luckiest. Gracy was as soft as a feather to him and David never ever had a raised eyebrow at him. Too much love at times creates a spoilt brat and here too, the situation wasn't different. Stephen was getting too much pampered, his naughtiness was, exceeding all limits, but Gracy and David preferred silence, their silence was his license.

Stephen

The winds from the west had always been soothing and cool. Its not the first time they brought rains along with them. The coolness of wind, the freshness of rain, the smell of earth , all coordinated to give a wonderful feel of the nature whenever they came . This day was no different. It was a beautiful day and the light showers sprinkled freshness into its charm and beauty. None could ever be sad given such bliss of nature to feel and live on, but sadness filled the air at one home.

Gracy and David were still not out of it, how could they ever be; it was like nurturing a small plant , see it grow well and one day, all of a sudden, you see it crushed by nature. Stephen wasn't just like a plant, he was their life, their dreams , he was their son. Days have passed since he left them, but they could still see him running on the corridors, scratching the walls with his half broken scale, shouting and howling songs of Linkin park. Memories of Stephen still rule their days and nights, he was still a child when he died, but it seemed God needed him badly.

Sweetest memories hurt the most when life flips 180 degrees. She still recalls the day when Stephen was handed over to them. He was a small baby ,4 months old wrapped in small cloth of white, with half opened eyes and looking anxiously at everything around. Gracy and David didn't have a child even after seven years of marriage and thats when they decided to adopt a child.

Stephen made their days and nights, Gracy always had him in her hands, her hands were his cradle, probably Gracy and David were looking for a reason to live and now, the reason was looking at them with eyes brimming with love and innocence. Stephen was growing in the world of love, care and compassion. With every day, Gracy and David were getting closer to him.

Gracy's eyes were filling up with tears, she remembers the moment when he looked into her eyes, and for the first time whispered, "Maa..", the words that every mother loves to hear. Her eyes were wet on that day too, but now the reason is different. She can no longer hear that call, she can no longer hear that voice.

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Sin (concluded)

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.....................................................................................

Rahul was handsome and it was the first time I was seeing him, but probably at the wrong occasion. He must have seen me holding Riya's hand, luckily she just pulled her hand out at the right time.
"Would you mind if I join you", he looked at us and asked with a straight face.

Sin (continued)

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.....................................................................................

"TRRRRIIiiiinnnnggg", I always hated this bloody barking of my alarm clock, but I had no choice other than to wake up. It was already 7 in the morning. Its too intimidating to get up in the morning and move to office after two days of joyous weekend. This weekend was extremely good, a lot of partying, outing with friends and ofcourse Riya did miss me a lot; the frequency of her miss calls were just a bit thicker than a thin line. Even I was eager to meet her, I too missed her a lot.

Sin

This is a story made out of pure imagination and any compatibility with anyone's life or true incident is nothing but coincidence and any hard feelings coz of it is deeply regretted.


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Its been five years now that I have entered into my professional career, to be specific my job, a hectic and horrible life at times, but somehow I have managed to exist through tough times. Now this is my second switch to a new firm, probably once you are in this field, your commitment is just on your career and money, commitment to the firm comes next. Its been almost a month now that I have joined this new firm. Its really awesome, the environment is cool and friendly, out here, I don't feel the choking irritability of working all the time.

Farewell

It was unexpected ,especially it wasn't expected of Marc,none of his college mates had ever seen him cry.He was a strong and bold character,but despite his emotionless attitude thats well known among his friends,he couldnt control himsilf .It was the farewell event for the outgoing students.He was given a chance to share his feelings,he started off well,but then it seemed more like a confession that he was making.He was opening his heart to the gathering, everyone listened to him and there was pin drop silence in the air.

Four years back when he had stepped into the campus,he had no idea how his life would transform in four years.First year,it was about running away from seniors.Second year,he started to involve in the college culture,getting into student politics , strikes, proposals,love breaks etc.This was the time when he had the puff of a cigarette for the first time,he also tasted beer for the first time.As days and months passed by,the intensity of activity in these areas of interest kept on aggravating.He had become more an emotionless creature.He never found anything wrong in beating up his clasmates for his student group.He had his justifications which which just justified nothing.There were clashes among various groups in the campus and he always assured that he remained around in the front.

Academics was never his concern,but somehow he kept pushing himself off from one sem to other with not many baclogs .He had almost forgotten how difficult was for his parents to put him into the college,they had done it despite their financial constraints .His attitude had altogether changed.Almost by the end of third year,he knew he was having a bit too many papers to write down,but again those thoughts didnt stay longer,he had other business schedules.Again there was a clash in the college,there was no fight in the campus without his involvement and this time again,he participated wholeheartedly and finally the case was registered against him.There was nothing unusual about it,it was the fourth case against him.As all earlier cases were,even this would be sorted off.

Finally he stepped into the final year.He could see people around him had changed. His friends were more inclined to books than never before.They werent as careless as they were before.It was the time for first sessionals,as always, he had no books to read,no notes nothing.He came to the college morning and were just looking at others who were busy with their studies.
"Hey Marc,wanna check out some portions",It was John who was sitting behind him.Marc was stunned,he never expected a hand of help from John. he had beaten up John not once or twice,there has been heated exchanges between them before.But the same guy is out with his helping hands.John started explaining the portions for the test,Marc started to grasp certain lessons,not the ones John was explaining,but those which he should have learned much much earlier.Exams got over,it was final sem and almost all students did assure that they were in the classroom,not out of eagerness to learn, but out of desire to be with friends all along some days that was left in the campus.

Marc was knowing it better than ever before, he had placed many things above friendship and now he repents. There were many moments when he even forgot that those were his classmates whom he had treated as enemies.But none of them keeps that vengeance for him.Everyone sees him as a good friend and his conscience was knocking him down every moment he felt their love for him.He couldnt control and finally he broke off during the farewell.His words were applauded by all.He hadnt had even a pinch of hypocrisy or show offs in his words,it was directly from heart .He was feeling better now.After all he could tell everything he wanted to,he was lighter at heart now.Next it was their beloved class tutor who was on the stage,he started off with a smile.
"Dear students,within days you are moving off from student life to professional life.Its nice that Marc has understood his mistakes . But I would like to tell him that he has rectified his mistakes by asking forgiveness,now its time for him and others to think beyond it,life doesnt end here,to those who are placed and would be joining into new firms,work hard and do well and dont ever forget your friends and your college,to those who still have some papers to write down,its never too late,clear your papers and you have a bright future ahead of you.This is the third time I am here to wish farewell to my beloved students.Let me tell you all,you would never ever have such a tenure of pure unadulterated fun and friendship again.There were moments where we teachers have opposed to your certain activities,but it was all part of the college life,we have done it in our days,you are doing it now.But do make it a point to come to your college whenever you have time,these gates are always open for you,wish you all the best."

There was a big round of applause.It was followed by cultural programs,mean while senior guys were having photography sessions.They were dancing ,partying and it was all fun.Finally the program got over,the students started moving back to their hostels.Marc with his right hand resting on John's shoulders was walking back to the hostel.It was a star studded sky,he was just wondering at them,there were tears still in his eyes,this time he wasnt confessing,he was counting down his seconds left out at campus."Even farewell is over now,many wonderful moments to cherish,even this happens to be one among them.One complete chapter in life would soon be completed ,whatever is in store for me,I am sure I will never have such beautiful days again,never again"..