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May 29, 2008

The height of pessimism

Having a disbelief in certain things that you do can be justified,probably your past prompts you to feel so,but what would you say when you always feel that you have done something wrong when you almost know you haven't. Its that level of pessimism I am talking about.Wondering who is the maverick who keeps such high levels of pessimism, don't look around anywhere ,its me.

My last semester examination started from this Tuesday and as always,after the first exam,even this time I had something to worry on. It was all fine till I reached home,exam went well and I had written well,but I don't know I have this sort of thought that everything can't go that well together; that's when I put myself into thought if I had written my roll no correctly. Every time I use to check it before I give my answer sheets,this time I remember to have checked everything else other than this.Is it that I forgot to check or is it I forgot that I had checked?, what ever be the thing,my forgetfulness had eaten up a lot of hours till now,I wonder what would happen if I have written it wrongly. Now, the problem is I still keep wondering about it even though I know its of no use now. But as always,some positive things never strike my mind in time.Even today I had an exam, I feel I have written it well.I hope my mind wont again search for something to give me a head ache out of agony and tension. This is not the first time I have put myself in such weird thoughts and started thinking,I shouldn't have done it (may be something I would not have done actually.). One thing is sure,this pessimism keeps me always engaged and I dont get a moment where I feel I am bored. Probably peace of mind is something that we ought to find from within ourselves and that's the art I seem to be lacking.

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